Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
