Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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