in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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