I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
