My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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