I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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