You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
