I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
