dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
