I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
