why didn't you poke me back
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
