You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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