Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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