idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
