That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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