i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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