I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
