I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
