Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
