Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
