I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
