I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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