I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
