I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
