I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
