yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's paper in my vomit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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