I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
