hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
should my penis look like a turkey
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
