Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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