Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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