wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
