I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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