i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
