this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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