I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize