Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
