Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
