Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
