Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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