On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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