He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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