im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's always time for handjobs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
