am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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