there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
