Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
