So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
