Can Purell be used as lube?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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