My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
