Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
