I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
