There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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