Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
