Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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