Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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