i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
