dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
