I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
