Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
