i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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