Jerry, you need to find god
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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