I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
