Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
