Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
