Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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