she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
