I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
