It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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