Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
