It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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