If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
